What Really Happens in Sky Haven Temple
by The Winter Wizard
Summary: After a long dungeon crawl, the Dragonborn and Lydia return to the Sky Haven Temple only to discover a shocking secret that lies within. What really happens in Sky Haven Temple after dark when the cats are away? SEVERE AU! Parody! Smut! BDSM. Bad Language. Adult/Mature!


**DISCLAIMER:** Do take note that this is purely a parody/crack!fic and not to be taken seriously! I was struck with the idea the other night and it didn't let go so please don't take offence by this and don't consider me homophobic in anyway because I'm not and couldn't care less what other people do to get off in their own privacy. Also I don't own Skyrim (well aside from my copy from Amazon and Steam that is but not the copyrights as is obvious) otherwise there would be tons of DLC's and we'd go back to Cyrodill and possibly Morrowind. I have yet to play the latter game as I am waiting for the mod to come out that brings Morrowind to Skyrim. But enough rambling and enjoy the story!

P.S. Also since the Dragonborn can be either a guy or a girl I haven't specified which one he/she is so use your imagination! :)

* * *

The Dragonborn and Lydia trudged wearily into High Hrothgar, slamming the large ebony doors behind them. It had been another long dungeon crawl and despite their ability to teleport they were still exhausted from the fight. They had just been chased by skeevers, bandits, giants, mudcrabs, trolls, draugr, witches, vampires, and a host of other undead.

They were eager for a nice cool shower in the underground spring they had discovered in Sky Haven Temple. How else could those Blades have stayed clean? However, their thoughts were rudely interrupted by a loud moan that came from the sleeping quarters of the Blades.

Worried that some Thalmor spy had infiltrated the Temple and was torturing Esbern or something, Skyrim's power couple did a combination of sneaking and rolling until they got to the quarters. Making sure they were well hidden, the duo scanned the quarters and the Dragonborn used the Auror Whisper shout and the Detect Life spell just to double check. However, they were pleasantly relieved, albeit confused, to realize that there were four life forms in the room: Two being themselves and two being Esbern and Delphine.

But then where did the moan come from? Upon thinking it over it didn't sound like a moan of pain but one of pleasure that caused the Dragonborn's face to heat up with a bright red blush. The Dragoborn glanced warily at Lydia who was smirking gleefully and pointing to one of the beds in the quarters. Not wanting to know what lay yonder but too intrigued to back out now, the Dragonborn glanced that way and the Dragonborn's jaw dropped in shock.

Esbern lay on the bed in a fetal position and was stark naked! His body was bare as the day he was born and he was very hairy with a tiny, almost unnoticeable penis that must have shriveled up due to age. He was kneeling on the bed with his bum in the air and clutching a musty old pillow. His eyes were glazed over in lust and he was groaning in pleasure. But if that wasn't disturbing enough, the Dragonborn nearly gasped in shock to realize that Delphine was behind him and stark naked herself!

She wasn't so bad to look at without any clothes on, albeit a tad flat and very, very muscular. She had several scars and tattoos on her body which wasn't a bad thing but slightly disturbing since it was Delphine they were talking about! No. The really disturbing thing was the fact that Delphine was wearing a strap-on crafted from a horker's tusk and hopefully blunted at the end. Whatever the case, the tusk was buried deep inside Esbern's arse-hole and Delphine was rocking back and forth, her eyes burning with passion and slapping Esbern's ass.

"You like that don't you, man whore!" Delphine barked.

"Oh aye!" Esbern moaned. "Give it to me! Nothing held back!"

"Then take it whore!" Delphine growled, speeding up the pace.

Struggling not to strangle himself to death from disgust and embarrassment, the Dragonborn hastily snuck off to the safety of the farthest corner of the Temple. Their next quest would have to wait, for now they would need some serious ale or mead or something to purge the memory from their minds. Pity they didn't know any mind-altering magic.

Little did they know, however, that this was just the beginning!

**To Be Continued?**

**A/N:** Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want more? Or is this enough crap? Let me know and I will try to come up with another parody unless you guys have some pairings you want. I am thinking next up will be Belethor/his assistant and maybe Maven/Brynjolf


End file.
